Our childhood establishes patterns of being and communicating that we adopt for the rest of our lives. Our parents or caregivers teach us how to be, what is acceptable, what is not.
Our parents provide us with templates for relating and experiencing the world and as children we adopt the best strategies to survive within our families, however some of these templates that worked well for us as children, don’t work so well for us now.
We learn permissions and stoppers during our childhood, for example many boys learn the stopper ‘boys don’t cry’ which can develop into growing up cut off from feelings in adult hood. We may have grown up in families where anger wasn’t acceptable and now find we can’t get angry even when it’s appropriate and healthy to do so.
Most parent’s do the best they can with the resources they had available at the time, even in these situations we can be left with permissions and stoppers that affect our adult functioning.
Other parents can be abusive and hamper our development as children which continues to affect how we relate to others or what we think about ourselves.
We are all affected by our start in life, exploring the permissions and stoppers we received and rules we set our self can lead to freedom to express ourselves autonomously in adulthood.